Yesterday I spent the evening following and contributing to a thread on Facebook which was initiated by a friend of mine who too offence to an app that suggested that a woman might like to loose weight to surprise her man. What followed was primarily a dialogue between 2 friends who had opposing views. I am going to call them Tina and Lou!
Tina found it offensive that a company would use subtle advertising to get women to change for a man. She thought it sent the wrong message to young people with developing bodies, getting them to conform to an image that society places on them, rather than for themselves. Lou on the other hand thought it was alright to do something for her man, in fact she found it motivating, to do it to please her man rather than to please herself, and she thought that the app would motivate her to loose weight.
The dialogue went on for a couple of hours, each adamant that their view was ok and the “right one to have”. This blog isn’t about taking sides with either woman, but looking at how we come to make those choices, in fact I am very much for, helping each individual, man or woman, to be happy about the choices that they make. But are we truly making choices that make us, the individual happy, or are we repeating what we were taught, primarily by our parents or caregivers, but also society in which we live. I read several months back, an article where a mother stated why she would not get her young daughter to go and give Grandpa, Grandma, Great Auntie Gertudre or Uncle Tom Cobbly and all, a kiss, unless she, the young child wanted too! This mother wanted her daughter to make the decision for herself, who she had close bodily contact with. To make her give an old man a kiss if she clearly did not want to, should be applauded, rather than make the girl feel guilty, because the bottom line is, the grand-parent et al wanted their needs met rather than the child’s.
As a therapist, I often see clients in my clinic who have been diagnosed with M.E. Over the years I have seen a pattern emerging, that these people have spent huge amounts of energy trying to conform, to be something that is not their Soul’s purpose, but is in actual fact what others want them to be. The doctor who wanted to be an astronaut, but took medicine because it is what he thought his parents wanted him to do. The computer engineer, who wanted to be an interior designer but again his parents told him that he wouldn’t make a living out of that, do something where you can get a “good” job, and earn plenty of money. The Mother who believes that it is better to go back to work when she would rather spend time caring for her family full time. All living a life that other’s expect of them but after many years of spending lots of energy on being something that they are not, the Soul takes it upon it upon itself, to draw attention to that fact and gets the physical body to go into melt-down. No more energy left to fight being what they are not!
Obviously there is no quick fix to this, but starting to look at why one acts the way they do, is a good place to start. Do you want to loose weight to please yourself, because you are unhappy with your weight and you have taken the informed choice that it would be healthier if you dropped a size or 3, or are you loosing weight to keep your partner and/or society happy, because you were not really given the choice whether or not you gave grandpa a kiss. You learnt compliance as a young child and now you don’t know when it is ok to say no to somebody else’s requests. If you are happy to loose weight, or buy underwear or anything else that you and your consenting partner have agreed to do, then that is an alright choice too, but if you are doing it with a sense of compliance, then maybe, just maybe there is an issue here that needs addressing, if not for your physical health, then for your mental health.
Please don’t jump up and down and shout at the screen saying that I don’t know what I am talking about, if you have been diagnosed with M.E. This is about an observation that I have made after many years of working with people with M.E, often with no history of a viral illness prior to the diagnosis. It responds very well to Chiropractic treatment and a change in diet is often required, but I have yet to find a case in my clinic, that doesn’t have ahistory of complaince in the childhood, behind it.If this is the case, please ask yourself if you are living life as you would like to, or as you think society or family dictate, it may make a huge difference to your health if you start to live YOUR Soul’s purpose.